she had this way to creating the illusion of intimacy with any of the men she met in her life. watching her from a distance, one would think that she is especially close with the man of the moment. in my lonely hours, i’ve found myself thinking about why — or, more importantly, how? how could one imitate such a genuine human feeling? i know that was something beyond my capacity. the more i thought about it, the more i realized that it wasn’t about the technique of replicating intimacy but about her. perhaps this type of intimacy evaded her, through circumstance or luck. maybe she carried a mirror — reflecting her wants onto whomever she could, each night. this is how she could participate in the dance of human desire. she could receive something she wanted for herself. it didn’t matter at that time who stood on the other side of the mirror.